Fake Book Reports: “The Book Scavenger” by Jennifer Chambliss Bertman

As usual, the book report about “The Book Scavenger” in the next paragraph is completely made up and has nothing to do with Jennifer Chambliss Bertman’s outstanding middle grade mystery. Again, the reason that my book report about “The Book Scavenger” is fake is because this book is so outstanding that I don’t want to spoil anything about it. I don’t even want to say if it uses punctuation. I can neither confirm nor deny that there is as much as a single comma in it. Without further ado, the following paragraph is my fake book report.

“The Book Scavenger” is a fascinating read. It all starts when a bunch of musty, old science fiction books in a forgotten corner of used book store become sentient. These books join together and form a book monster that crashes through the window of the book store hungry for brains. The Book Monster calls itself Book, and it scavenges for human brains. The authorities try to stop Book with shotgun blasts, by hitting it with a car, and even with a flamethrower, but Book wisely coated itself in a fireproofing liquid shortly after becoming sentient. Just when it looks like Book is going to feast on the brains of every human being in the world, along come the Dulmark twins. They’ve never read a book in their lives, and they see no reason why they should ever have to. When Book tries to dig their feeble brains out of their skulls, Book disintegrates into chunks of paperback covers and loose pages. The willful ignorance of the Dulmark twins saves us all! The Dulmark twins are heroes! They receive a ticker tape parade, and get elected to congress! The end!